Recently I downloaded the Duolingo app. What caught my attention was their brand slogan The world’s best way to learn a language. And also the allure of re-learning French. I used to be so good at it. And in fact, I thought I still was. Until the night I realized I wasn’t.
It was at a night vigil. I didn’t really know anyone at my church- and if we’re being honest, I still don’t. I attend church regularly oh. But I’m what some people call A Sunday Goer’. Come to church on Sunday, attend mass, say hi to a few people, and that’s all. No fellowships. No service unit meetings. Nothing.
But on this day, I decided to attend the monthly night vigil. As part of my resolve to start becoming more involved in church activities. On getting there, I called the one person whose phone number I had that I knew would likely be attending — Elizabeth. And the question she asked baffled me. “What are you doing there by this time?” she asked. Still shocked I managed to reply “I’m here for the vigil. Didn’t you hear about it?”
“Of course, I did. But you’re there way too early.” This was about 6:45 pm. I now understood why the place was so scanty. I came at the time we were asked to come without knowing that everyone else comes about two hours late and the event doesn’t start till then anyway. No way I could go back so I offered to save seats for her and her cousin while I wait for them to arrive.
Turns out Elizabeth’s cousin came from a French-speaking country (can’t remember which) and was only in town for a few days. Her cousin’s English was good too but I wanted to communicate with her in French as it had been a while since I spoke to anyone in French.
Excited is an understatement of how I felt as we started the conversation. But that didn’t last for long because at a point I just couldn’t keep up. She spoke so fast that I couldn’t translate some words in real time. And there were some words I couldn’t translate anymore at all.
How has re-learning with the Duolingo app been going? Well, I haven’t started. Anytime I look at it, I just feel like it won’t be worth it. And I tried learning Hausa (that’s a story for another day). But for today, I have a question for you…
What’s the best way to learn a new language?
The best way to learn a new language is through immersion, period. Nothing beats it. Nothing even comes close. Imagine traveling to a strictly French-speaking country and living there for two months. You’re bound to learn faster than any other method — tutoring, private learning, etc. You’ll get to listen more and talk less. Another memorable thing happened on the day of the vigil.
Prior to the vigil Elizabeth and I were more like pen pals. But after spending the night together, we became way closer than we were before that day. What changed? What happened? Now there’s something that’s been on my mind for a while. After having a good number of those magical nights or days where I get close to someone real quick. Even people I’m just talking to for the first time. I began to ask myself how. How do I become good friends with people so well? Could it be a gift?
And just recently I uncovered the “secret”
I talk less and listen more. And that’s how I am in most conversations. Now not all might lead to friendship but you’ll become a likable person, I promise. Often times conversations can be like a game of ping pong. As one person is talking, the other is already thinking of his reply. Sure, the power of the human brain can allow us to multitask but there’s a difference between hearing and listening.
And because I avoid playing ping pong, I sometimes don’t have anything to say immediately after the person stops talking. But I find that to be even more effective for building rapport because if you allow a moment’s pause after someone stops talking something magical happens. They’ll tell you more. (If there’s more to be said).
If you want to become even more likable than you are right now, keep this in mind…
Listen so closely like you don’t even fully understand the language they’re speaking and you’re trying to translate it word for word and make sense of it. Be immersed in the message, the tone, the story, and most importantly…the person.
Friendship through immersion.
PS. If you read to the end, here’s a bonus for you: Remember Small Stuff (RSS).
I have a friend Khadee who would ask me the most random things. Like, “Greg how are you? How about that thing you mentioned the other day?” And it will be one very minute thing that I only mentioned in passing.
But my heart will melt like hot butter. Because it just meant so much that she listened enough to take note of that and EVEN remembered it. So that’s how I got to like her more. And that’s how I now know that it helps to Remember Small Stuff (RSS).
PPS. Want even more bonuses? No problem! Here’s another: If you are interested in this topic then I think you should consider reading How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I believe it’s the single best book on the subject matter in the world.
Recap:
- Friendship Through Immersion (FTI)
- Remember Small Stuff (RSS)
- Read How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie
That will be all for now. Till next time
Be good,
G.
