Which would move you more between these two?
- I love you.
- I love you because you’re beautiful, caring and a good listener.
The second right? So why? Is it any the length? Absolutely not.
What about these three compliments?
- Nice shoes.
- Nice shoes, I love the way you matched the it with your outfit.
- Nice shoes, nice shirt, nice tie, nice everything guy!!! You just dey burst my brain!
Which would touch you more? The second right? Now you see it’s not about the length. So what is it really about? It’s about the reason. It’s about why.
4 days ago, while carrying out a survey for a project, I asked a handful of my friends the survey question. Their replies were all short and lacking depth. I replied all of them with: Thank you their name. I asked you because ________. For example, Thank you John. I asked because I asked you because I know you’re well read on this subject matter. Or, Thank you Grace. I asked you because you have always come through for me when I need good advice.
After giving your reason, keep quiet. Don’t explain further. Liars tend to over-explain. And you’re not lying are you? Maintain silence and watch the power of “because”. In my experience 8/10 times, the person you’re talking to will give you a more indepth reply than the first time.
Asking the question with the reason from the onset would have been even more powerful.
Social psychologist Ellen Langer tested the power of this word by asking to cut in line at a copy machine. She tried three different ways of asking:
- “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine?”
- “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?”
- “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies?”
Of those asked, 60 percent let her cut in line using the first request technique. But when she added the “because,” 94 percent and 93 percent, respectively, said OK.
Notice that the reason in the third question made absolutely no sense. I mean, they were all there to make copies too weren’t they? The word is so powerful that the reason doesn’t even need to make any sense for it to be effective.
Always say why because people will be more likely to take action if you do.
There’s another technique called the Advanced Because Technique (ABT) which is way more powerful. I’ll teach that in future articles (follow so you don’t miss out) but for now, you can gain higher social power by reading my other article, Sacrifice Your Pawn.
Also, if you really enjoyed this or learned something beneficial, share it with someone you know.
G.
